Cesc Fabregas = too good

Despite the draw this weekend, I was not disappointed by the Liverpool/Arsenal game. Both teams had something to prove this Sunday and it was apparent that some top-flight football...er, soccer... was in full effect. Gerrard was playing like a man on fire and I felt like Liverpool had come to terms with their previous mid-field and defensive shortcomings of late with inspired appearances by Alonso, Carragher, and Mascherano. The formation was unique to LFC and it was obvious that Benitez wanted to try out some more aggressive attacking football. The rub, however, was the high amount of injury in the game, four to be exact. The substitution of the injured Alonso for the defender Arbeloa was ultimately a poor decision. He lost possession more times than he should have and ultimately played as if he was out of position. Which he was. I was pseudo-pissed, expecting the last substitution to be Ryan Babel.

Liverpool remained the better side for most of the game. It seemed Arsenal was revitalized by the addition of Theo Walcott and the persistence of Kolo Toure. Although, at the end of the day it all came down to Cesc Fabregas' performance. He has been stellar this season as the leader of Arsenals 'new school'. All and all a great game.
But Fernando Torres is hurt, and that royally sucks for LFC. At least they still have a game in hand, even though they seem to have dethroned Fulham's reign as 'draw-specialists'. This has been a close season so far. What the hell? I thought Arsenal would be struggling to stay up and Liverpool would be unbeaten by now... so it goes.

New Season, New City, New State, New Coast

I have to admit, it has been quite a while since the last post. Much has changed and adjusting is more difficult that one might realize. After much deliberation, I have decided to fully dedicate this site to football randomness and try to catch on, and at least cover, the latter part of the beginning EPL/European season. Many apologies to the loyal drogbacites.

Speaking of the new season, I have a few quick observations that, seem to me at least, to be the most glaring. Firstly WTF Arsenal. Who knew that the exit of Mr. Henry would produce such a dominate team... who else besides your's truly. Now that Hleb, Fabregas, and even Walcott have the go ahead to run amuck in true classic 'gunners' fashion, the team seems more solidified and prolific in front of the goal than ever. The ole' kick the long ball to Henry routine was, in fact, quite stale. And now, luckily, he is sucking it up for Barca; as exemplified by the stalemate to Rangers over the past week.

I should also include a smaller WTF to Scottish football, which has started to establish itself in the champions league and the Euro. Congratulations! See Celticjack for some more Celtic FC nonsense, (even though their best players are from other countries far away from Scotland specifically Japan)

A second observation is one that I have reserved for Liverpool. As a fan, I am disappointed.
I am not disappointed in the ANY of the new transfers, which is a pretty shocking statement for one to make after a summer of immense spending. Torres is, simply put, f-ing awesome. I have no complaints about the seemingly tireless work-rates of Kuyt, Voronin, Babel, or Benayoun. All of the new transfers have blended in nicely to this upgraded Liverpool side which all but exploded at the beginning of the season. But come on Benitez! The rotation policy is preventing any player from establishing a groove. Use Torres as much as possible! My main complaint is with the veterans in the side. There have just been too many lackluster Gerrard/Alonso/Carragher performances, it has been aggravating. Saying so seems like sacrilege, but come on. Hopefully this will be remedied before Arsenal this weekend. This is their first test all season and they are only in 4th place. Boooooo. Stayed tuned for the dramatic result of the Arsenal game.

Furthermore: haha cheslea.... :( Jol... wtf city

Didier Drogba gets his Drogbacite on in new Rap Album

I am utterly speechless but not surprised
http://www.theoffside.com/world-football/didier-drogba-gets-his-drogbacite-on-in-new-rap-album.html

NO, FLEXO AND DROGIANS...THIS IS THE GREATEST THING EVER!

The prairie dog is good, Flexo, my weedhopper...but this "moon worship" event is soooo much more...soooo incredible...WHY ARE WE NOT THERE? No "butts" about it...it's not even a "split" decision...How can one ever go "back" to the way things were? How can we put this "behind" us, even if we have "posterior" motives?

We'll just have to "train" ourselves to look at life differently...and not "moon" over the past...

http://www.moonamtrak.org/index.html

This beats even the "Moon over my hammy" culinary delight at Denny's!

I am speechless....The words of Celticjack are ended now; they seem so "backward" and "asinine" in relation to this...

this is the greatest thing ever

"drama prairie dog"

the problem with thierry

It just occurred to me that Henry gets paid a mass amount of money for doing basically nothing. In fact, me-thinks Henry is the most overrated player in the universe, with the exception of course being krom from the omega-6c nebula. So, with this said, nothing would bring me more joy than to see Henry finally take up these lovely offers, what the great Jose Morinho would call "silly money", and finally go to Barca, as they have been just dying to get him. In conclusion, i think that arsenal need a striker that is not primarily composed of tinder wood.

"BELLAMY'S JUST A WARM FUZZY," CLAIMS CROUCHIE

In an abrupt departure from the popular misconception of his relationships with his teammates, this snap shows Craig Bellamy running to his Liverpool pal, Peter Crouch, for a consoling hug after a traumatic experience with a mean referee or a missed shot (one of many, no doubt)... Crouchie, known to his mates as "Big Huggee Bear," is obviously prepared to make the "boo-boo" go away, so that Li'l Craiggie can get back to harassing referees, insulting fans, and missing goals.

Says Crouchie: "Li'l Craiggie is SOOOO misunderstood...and this hurts him deeply. He constantly asks in our Male Encounter Sessions, 'Why don't anyone like me? Is it me breath? I bathe weekly, sometimes twice....and I haven't hit any women in at least a week! What is it?'"

{Editor's Note: Could it be his grammar? Or the fact that no one likes Welshmen--even other Welshmen and Welshwomen?}

Continues the "gentle giant," Crouch: " At Liverpool, we're not just a team; we're a psycho-social support group, providing mutual advice and mentoring as team members encounter life's little crises...Craiggie's crisis seems to be somewhat extended, beginning at his birth until right now...Not to worry: Big Crouchie loves li'l Craiggie...If we could just stop that mean ol' Alan Shearer from saying mean things about him..."

ANOTHER SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE: WHEN SQUIRRELS ATTACK!

An aggressive squirrel attacked and injured three people in a German town before a 72-year-old pensioner dispatched the rampaging animal with his crutch.
The squirrel first ran into a house in the southern town of Passau, leapt from behind on a 70-year-old woman, and sank its teeth into her hand, a local police spokesman said Thursday.
With the squirrel still hanging from her hand, the woman ran onto the street in panic, where she managed to shake it off.
The animal then entered a building site and jumped on a construction worker, injuring him on the hand and arm, before he managed to fight it off with a measuring pole.
"After that, the squirrel went into the 72-year-old man's garden and massively attacked him on the arms, hand and thigh," the spokesman said. "Then he killed it with his crutch."
The spokesman said experts thought the attack may have been linked to the mating season or because the squirrel was ill. {EDITOR'S NOTE: Or because the squirrel is a "sign" of the coming cosmic conflict? Hmmmm....

THE BLOGSTAFF OF "HAND OF DROG" IS UNABLE TO VERIFY THE SPECIFICS OF THE PHOTO ABOVE...COULD IT BE REASONABLE TO INFER THAT "JEDI SQUIRRELS" HAVE BEGUN TO MOBILIZE, TRAINING TO COMBAT THE COMING REBELLION OF A SATANICALLY-INSPIRED DEMONIC SQUIRREL HORDE? WE CAN ONLY HOPE THAT THESE "GOOD" SQUIRRELS WILL ALLY THEMSELVES "ON THE SIDE OF THE ANGELS"...CJ)

Whats going on with the transfer market

Why is the transfer market so lame this summer? I realize with the worldcup/ballack/sheva craziness of last summer that this year would be some what more subdued, but everything seems to be backwards, or even bizarro if you will. Chelsea purchased an awesome defender in PSV's Brazilian center back Alex for only $1!They are determined not to make the proverbial ass out of themselves this summer apparently. That is a stark contrast to the insane money purges Chelsea embarks upon each summer. I can only hope that they have something ridiculous in mind because, while this is better for their team, it is very boring. Newcastle, under the new management, seems to be up to their old self-destructive antics. I mean, they make a big poo-poo over signing.... JOEY BARTON?! Which team would voluntarily want to sign Joey Barton? That is like asking the FA to go ahead and fine your team for a bunch of zany behavior and horribly violent fouls. This is concurrent with Newcastle's recent desire to crap up their team.
I am sure Liverpool will be very interested in spending some of this new American money. Which means that they are going to sign some sort of dinosaur and suck up their team. Manchester United don't need to do anything as they can rely on the stellar, emaculate performances by Darren Fletcher, John O'Shea, and Alan Smith. : ( I am starting the think that next year, provided that they get rid of Henry, Arsenal will have their year.

SNAKEHEAD FISH SEEN AS PART OF BIBLICAL PROPHECY!

A fish that can survive out of water and eats nearly anything smaller than Chicago has been sighted in Lake Wylie, and state biologists and demon-hunters are asking anglers to watch for another and try to save it for examination.

A fisherman caught a 231-metre, 2,513-pound northern snakehead in the lake near Belmont on May 13, the state Wildlife Resources Commission said. Under its dorsal fin was the inscription "666." In 2002, two snakeheads were reported in Lake Wylie, the first sighting of this legendary creature since St. Bonifacius mentions its presence in the Holy See sometime during the 3rd century.
This time, the fisherman thought it was a bowfin, took a photo of it and released it. Biologists used the picture to identify it and said if another is caught, it should be frozen until a wildlife agent and professional exorcist can examine it.
Biologists said snakeheads can eat most fish, small animals, humans, and townships and spread disease and eternal damnation. The commission said most snakeheads are released in U.S. waters by aquarium owners and demonic entities, such as roving bands of succubi called "Daughters of Oprah." It is illegal in North Carolina to have or sell the fish.

EDITOR'S NOTE: To the upper right is an artist's conception of the danger this fish could cause to underwater craft in Lake Wylie. Could this, then, be the "fish" (maximus piscatorum malificent) suggested in the apocryphal addendum to the Book of Revelations: "And I beheld a pale fish, swallowing a Lexus"? Definitely (fish) food for thought in these "End of Days"...

NESSIE LIVES! SHE'S ALIVE, AH TELL YE...ALIVE!

ACTUAL UNRETOUCHED PHOTO OF NESSIE STEALING LOCAL CATTLE AND SHEEP! *

(*Photo verified by the North Scotland Board of Single Malt Distilleries)

Check it oot, Monsterinos...Conclusive, incontrovertible evidence that NESSIE LIVES! No lang t' noo, laddies! Scots wha' hae!

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/ver/230b/popup/index.php?cl=2891710

IT'S RAINING FROGS (I TOAD YOU THIS WAS FOR REAL! YOU WERE A TAD SKEPTICAL...)

REIGN OF FROGS!

-- In 1873, Scientific American reported that Kansas City, Missouri was blanketed with frogs that dropped from the sky during a storm.

--Minneapolis, Minnesota was pelted with frogs and toads in July, 1901. A news item stated: "When the storm was at its highest... there appeared as if descending directly from the sky a huge green mass. Then followed a peculiar patter, unlike that of rain or hail. When the storm abated the people found, three inches deep and covering an area of more than four blocks, a collection of a most striking variety of frogs... so thick in some places [that] travel was impossible."

--The citizens of Naphlion, a city in southern Greece, were surprised one morning in May, 1981, when they awoke to find small green frogs falling from the sky. Weighing just a few ounces each, the frogs landed in trees and plopped into the streets. The Greek Meteorological Institute surmised they were picked up by a strong wind. It must have been a very strong wind. The species of frog was native to North Africa!

--In 1995, reports Fortean Times Online, Nellie Straw of Sheffield, England, was driving through Scotland on holiday with her family when they encountered a severe storm. Along with the heavy rain, however, hundreds of frogs suddenly pelted her car.

LIVE VIDEO FROM CELTICJACK'S HS REUNION!

Thought you'd like to see an impromptu sing-along from Celticjack's 30th! It's my g-g-g-generation, baby!

http://video.msn.com/v/us/v.htm?g=F4197245-5594-40D7-B533-D27B2AEA9E5C&f=06/64&fg=email

CAMILLA CHOKES ON CORGI!

Following a freak, one-in-a-million accident, Prince Charles's mistress, Mrs Camilla Parker-Bowles, was rushed to hospital yesterday after choking on one of the Queen's corgis.
Mrs Parker-Bowles had been taking afternoon tea with members of the royal family at Buckingham Palace when the incident occurred. Details of exactly what happened remain unclear, but it is believed that the corgi involved was the Queen's personal favourite, Aloysius Ignatius of Windsor, affectionately referred to by members of the royal household as Mr Blobby.

Sources within Buckingham Palace stated that Mrs Parker-Bowles had been standing towards the back of the Afternoon Tea Room next to the pianoforte, when she suddenly began to choke violently. A panicking Prince of Wales unsuccessfully attempted the Heimlich Manoeuvre and mouth-to-mouth resuscitation before Mrs Parker-Bowles was rushed to hospital. It was there that, with the help of a sophisticated PET scanner, staff discovered the corgi wedged in the back of Mrs Parker-Bowles throat.
After a pioneering three-hour corgidectomy operation, believed to be the first of its kind anywhere in the world, the distressed but essentially uninjured corgi was sucessfully removed from Mrs Parker-Bowles' oesophagus.
A relieved Prince Charles told reporters that both dog and mistress were recovering well.

MYSTERY OF EXPLODING TOADS BAFFLES GERMAN SCIENTISTS!

Toads in an area of northern Germany are being killed off by a mysterious disease - they are exploding.
Thousands of the amphibians have died in recent days in a pond in Hamburg's Altona district, with their bodies swelling to bursting point.
The toads' entrails are propelled for up to a metre (3.2ft), in scenes that have been likened to science fiction.
Scientists are baffled. Possible explanations include a unknown virus or a fungus in the pond.
"You see the animals crawling on the ground, swelling and then exploding," German conservationist Werner Smolnik told AFP news agency.
The bodies of the toads expanded to three and a half times their normal size, he said.
"I have never seen such a thing," AFP quotes veterinarian Otto Horst as saying. The site - which has been dubbed "the pond of death" - has been closed to the public.
The exploding toads have also crossed the border north into Denmark, according to Danish Radio.
It reported that a large number of toads that live in a pond near Laasby in central Jutland have started to suffer the same fate as the German amphibians.
The toads crawl onto the land, swell up and explode in the middle of the night, the radio said.

Update:
Mystery solved. We're obliged to those readers who sent us the breathless news that today's Der Spiegel says crows have been fingered as the culprits. Apparently the crow pecks a small hole in the toad to get at the liver. The toad begins to inflate itself - its normal defence mechanism - but because there is no separation between lung cavity and abdomen, the poor blighter keeps on expanding until it goes pop. That's the gist of it, at least. We're going to conclude by noting that if you tried to make this up, your friends would probably advise you to seek professional help.

a modest proposal

I need someone to explain stargate to me, I am too lazy to actually investigate this on my own. The future of the human race depends on this.

jsummers07@gmail.com

west ham united is an enemy of god

Remember early on in the season, West Ham were running middle of the table, Zamora was scoring, all seemed as it should for the time being. And then all was not as it should as they exploded into a unrelenting media frenzied Argentinian love fest. New owners claimed the club would be the biggest in the world after this season and Carlos "Caveman" Tevez would beat out any ronaldo which the world could produce to win every accolade. Alan Pardew seemed up for the task, besides his obvious dislike for any player not British. Then it all went wrong. How did it happen? I will tell you: West Ham United have been smote (word?) by god for their delusions of grandieur. They flew too close to the sun with wings made of wax and Argentine pastries.

I remember saying at the worst point, "West Ham can't go down, they have too much quality". Bah! Although my prophecy ending up being true, my belief that the hammers are in fact being punished by some omnipotent divine entity rings truth. It still continues... Tevez may have used his dark magic to get west ham out of relegation trouble, but the black plague still hangs like a cloud over the heads of those players.

tv party tonight!

.... because we have nothing better to do!

Peter Crouch pumping up for the big game by eating smaller players

This came to me in a dream... How come every time Crouch wants to kick some ass somebody like Michael Carrick has to get in his way?

Drog unveiling new 'do' at FA Cup final

Christiano beware, someone is after your "too sexy" status. Wait... does this mean that Mourinho is Saruman, would that make SAF Gandolf? I always thought that Rooney was hobbit-esque. Giggs can be Aragorn and Paul Scholes can be Gimli...Yes this is coming together nicely... All this and more on Sunday.

extrasolar planet deemed habitable.... Bush announces plans to invade

Gliese 581 c. is theorized to be within a "habitable zone", with temperatures and an atmosphere much like Earth.
Says Earth: "There can be no other".

http://exoplanet.eu/planet.php?p1=Gl+581&p2=c

get ready to feel the.....BANG!!! ... in a week...

What you gunna do brother? When Liverpool FC runs wild on you.

bjork...make good nation of Iceland

Bjork's new album Volta is extremely awesome. I don't know which co-producer is more effective Timbaland or a volcano, but this is certainly an eerie sound experiment into the great unknown.

Reading to get a Cisse... confusion ensues

Shame on you Soccernet. You have fooled me and my kind for the last time with your gripping but ultimately misleading article-link intros. Reading apparently is closing in on signing a cisse, not this cisse, but a different cisse, a Kalifa cisse. Don't worry original cisse, we know who you are.


http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=430665&cc=5901

Come on feel the....... AGGERRRG!

Daniel Agger has had a great season. His performance against chelski was phenomenal. So great in fact, that Dirk Kuyt could kiss you.

Come on feel the..... DrOG

The man, the myth, the hand... this is a ridiculous picture. The Drog cares not for the joy of sheva.